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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534385">The Binder Bandit</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/abirmohammad/pseuds/abirmohammad'>abirmohammad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Screenplay/Script Format</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 07:07:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534385</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/abirmohammad/pseuds/abirmohammad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy has some trouble returning to work after giving birth. Charles deals with Genevieve breaking up with him. Holt handles an unwelcome guest.</p><p>4 Acts and a cold open. Set at the beginning of Season 8.</p><p>If you would like to read it as a single document PDF, please visit abirmohammad.com/spec-scripts and you can find it there!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Charles Boyle/Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Michael Hitchcock/Norm Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. ACT 1 (+ COLD OPEN)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="action">
  <strong>COLD OPEN</strong>
</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong> <span class="u">INT. 99TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - MORNING</span> </strong>
</p><p class="action">We see HOLT, TERRY and ROSA outside of Holt's office. AMY and JAKE walk into the precinct pushing their baby on a stroller.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
The cutest baby in the world is here, you guys!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
You brought Cheddar into the precinct?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
What? He's not even a baby?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
No... we brought Mac!</p><p class="action">The group sees MAC in a baby stroller, but before anyone can react, HITCHCOCK and SCULLY come running into the room.</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/>
</strong>[whilst running] Did somebody say mac-</p><p class="action">The pair pause as they see the baby.</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/>
</strong>Oh.</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY</strong><br/>
I knew it wasn't worth the exercise!</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK</strong><br/>
Yeah, well, better make up for lost calories whilst we still can.</p><p class="action">Hitchock and Scully walk back to the Break Room, disheartened.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
So, what do you think? Adorable, right? Made him myself!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
And I helped!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Aw, he's so cute! Look at you, buddy!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
Well, he's no Cheddar but, I too would use... the "c" word.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Okay I'll take it. Rosa?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
He's OK.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
"OK"? What's that supposed to mean?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
I'm not gonna elaborate.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
Come on, Rosa! You know you want to!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Yeah, come on Rosa! [fist bumping motions] Say it, say it..</p><p class="character"><strong>GROUP</strong><br/>
Say it, say it, say it -</p><p class="action">Their chanting is interrupted by a high-pitched, feminine scream. The group are unmoved.</p><p class="character"><strong>GROUP</strong><br/>
[monotonously in unison] Charles.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
[high pitched] Is that my God-son?!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
[to Jake] Are we sure about that label?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Of course, Ames, it's Charles!</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
[to Mac] Hiii! I'm your Uncle Chi-Chi! Daddy Jake-y and I are practically soul-mates!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Okay maybe we did make a mistake.</p><p class="action">
  <strong>END OF COLD OPEN</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p class="act">
  <strong>ACT ONE</strong>
</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - BRIEFING ROOM - LATER</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">Holt is speaking at the front of the room with Terry by his side as the precinct members are sat/stood in front of them.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
And for this case we're going to need somebody bilingual, which is why -</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY</strong><br/>
Oh, Rosa's bilingual.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
How do you know that? I've never spoken another language to you once.</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY</strong><br/>
Didn't you have the game of charades -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Does he mean -</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
Yep. Moving on.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
As Captain Holt was saying... We're gonna need somebody bilingual, so -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
[quickly standing up] Wait, you chose Rosa?! I'm bilingual too, Terry!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Actually, Amy, I didn't even get to say who we assigned the job to, and also, it was Captain Holt's decision.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
Oh. [as she sits] Well whoever you choose, sir, I completely agree.</p><p class="action">Terry is confused.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
Thank you, Santiago. Now the perp is a Spanish-speaking man with a strong history of theft at the 'Muji' stationery store uptown.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
[to herself, but still aloud] Oh come on, give this one to <em>me...</em></p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
You okay there, Amy? You're kind of [to himself] how do I say this? [out loud, but timidly] <em>aggressive</em>...?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
I'm fine! I'm just really passionate about thieves. They give me that buzz.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
I know what you mean. One time, I watched the local school's 'Aladdin' production. You know they cast -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Charles, if you want to talk about the time you played the love interest in 'Aladdin', just say that.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
"Love interest"? Were you -</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
Yes. And I was incredible.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
He was. I saw the tapes.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
As I was about to say, the thief that I named... "the Binder Bandit" -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
Great name, sir!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
Thank you, Santiago. Now, he was last seen this morning. Witnesses say he walked out with these binders.</p><p class="action">Holt points towards a bunch of binders on the screen.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
The 'Exacompta 62570E' collection!? I was gonna get that on my way here but ran late because of a spilled milk situation at home.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
I spilled the milk!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Not now, Jake!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
So squad, the man may be armed, so be careful. And for this mission I've selected Sargent Jeffords to team alongside Peralta, and Santiago.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
Yes! I told you this was the one for me, Jeffords, you lousy jerk!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - LATER</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">Charles and Jake are sat at their separate desks.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/>
</strong>Hey Jake-y.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Charles, when did we green light that nickname?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
Doesn't matter. Anyway, what did you think of my baby names list?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Baby names? We already named the baby - and where is this list!?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
Check your drawer.</p><p class="action">Jake opens his draw and picks out a folded piece of paper that expands from his seated position to the floor.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Charles!</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
I listed them from best to worst based on what our child will think.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Our!? [beat] Charles, what's really going on here?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
Alright, you got me. Was it because I changed my desktop background?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
I - didn't notice but sure.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
Well, as you very clearly guessed... Genevieve and I broke up.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
What?! <em>No!</em> Now he's gonna spend more time with us!</p><p class="action">Jake glares at Amy. <em>Don't say that!</em></p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
I mean... Oh no, I'm so sad for you...</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
Thanks, Amy. It's a real bummer. Who else is gonna watch 'The Greatest Showman' with me and simultaneously quote it word for word?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
[quietly] Maybe it was for the best?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
What was that?</p><p class="action">Rosa walks by.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
[regular voice] Hey! Rosa! Charles just wanted to talk to you!</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
What?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Charles, Rosa would love to help you with your love life.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
That sounds like the one thing I'd like to do the least right now -</p><p class="action">Rosa attempts to leave but Jake holds her.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Gotta go solve this case, sorry! Amy, let's go.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
But we're not done -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
I think we are!</p><p class="action">Jake and Amy leave the precinct in a hurry. Rosa and Charles remain awkwardly silent in their same positions.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>
So Rosa -</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>
Nope.</p><p class="action">Rosa exits swiftly.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>INT. CAR - LATER</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">Jake, Amy and Terry are sat in a car stationed outside of 'Muji' as they look through a few photographs in Amy's hands.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
[glaring directly at Jake] So since Jake rushed us out of the precinct -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>Sorry.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
- I guess we'll discuss it here. But luckily for you both I've looked through them already. So you boys can go ahead. Though, the perp looks oddly familiar...</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
He's risking jail for the sake of binders, he's probably your ex.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
(Laughing then realising)<br/>
Wait, he's not really your ex, is he?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/>
</strong>Of course not! Although I did have something with a guy in Binder Club...</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>Amy!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Guys focus! What do we know about him?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
I'll take this one since I'm the only one that did the homework.</p><p class="action">Jake grins guiltily.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
Well, we know that he's 6 foot tall, dresses very well, and knows a good piece of stationary when he sees one.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Okay, but judging by these photos I don't think he dresses that well -</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Are those the new Jordans? Damn, taste in binders and sneakers? Well, if you're gonna go to jail for something, let it be in style.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
Right?</p><p class="action">Amy and Terry high five.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
What is happening right now? Are either of you aware that you're complimenting a <em>criminal</em>!?</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
He stole binders, not a baby, Peralta. And those are some swanky sneakers. How did he get those? They sold out so fast when I tried to get some!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Uh, he's a <em>thief?!</em></p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
That would make sense.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Doi!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
So what do you suggest we do, Einstein?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
I know exactly what to do; the 'Elba 3000 Collection' is coming tomorrow, and 'Muji' will stock them by midnight tonight. So all we've got to do is camp out and wait for him to show up!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
How do we know he's gonna want them?</p><p class="action">Amy's phone rings. She gets it out and looks at the screen.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>
I gotta get this. It's my mom.</p><p class="action">Amy leaves quickly, glaring annoyingly at Jake as she does so. It's quiet.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
So Sarge...</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Yes, Peralta.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
I might just be spitballing here, but, did you see that look Amy gave me?</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Good job, Detective. At this rate, someday you could be Captain.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Thanks -<br/>
(Realising)<br/>
Hey! I know that she's mad at <em>something</em>, I just don't know what at.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>It's you.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>What? No, it can't be! All I did was spill some milk which she then had to clean up because I was pre-occupied and that made her late for the thing she was planning to do which meant that I ruined her chances of getting this exclusive item she's been anticipating for the last six months.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>
Did you -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Yes I heard it but - I know Amy. She can't be this mad because of just that. There has to be something else. And I know it's not me. But whatever it is, I'm sure I can take care of it.</p><p class="action">They hear Amy yelling at a young girl on the street.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/>
</strong>No, <em>you</em> have a good day! Don't tell me what to do! I know exactly how to spend my day, you little freak!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>Oh boy.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - HOLT'S OFFICE - lATER</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">Holt is sat reading a file and hears a knock on the door.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/>
</strong>Come in.</p><p class="action">He hears sobbing.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/>
</strong>Charles?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN</strong><br/>
[through tears] No...</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
Oh dear God... Karen?</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>FLASHBACK - INT. - SUPERMARKET - MORNING</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">Karen is in front of a security guard screaming hysterically.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/>
</strong>My baby! Have you seen my baby!? My poor baby is all alone! He was with me and I don't know where he is!</p><p class="action">Jake - in his current adult state - pops up behind her.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>Hey, mom. I just went to get the bananas. Is everything okay?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/>
</strong>Oh thank goodness you're alive!</p><p class="action">Karen embraces Jake in a tight hug. Holt is seen in the back, looking puzzled.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>BACK TO SCENE</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">We see KAREN slowly walking into the room, wiping her tears that won't stop.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/>
</strong>Hi, Raymond... How are you?</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/>
</strong>Uh, your son isn't here right now, do you want to come by later?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/>
</strong>[regular voice, though still sad] No, no, I just... needed somewhere to go.</p><p class="action">She walks over to the couch and lays there.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/>
</strong>Oh, well, make yourself at home.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/>
</strong>Thank you.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/>
</strong>Uh... So, how did you even get in?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN</strong><br/>
Oh, the nice boys with mayonnaise on their shirts let me in.</p><p class="action">We see Hitchock and Scully eating burgers on their desks, with crumbs and mayonnaise over them.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>
I see. And what seems to be so urgent you had to come to a police station?</p><p class="action">Karen sobs.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/>
</strong>Well. I have quite the busy day ahead of me so if you don't mind -</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/>
</strong>[through tears, as she gets up]<br/>
Everything's a mess, Raymond! I need your help!</p><p class="action">Karen leans onto Holt for a tight hug. He is confused on how to comfort her.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u"> <strong>INT. CAR - LATER</strong> </span>
</p><p class="action">Jake and Terry are sat inside whilst Amy is still outside.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>You know, have you tried... talking to her?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Something is definitely off. Talk to her whilst she's like that? She usually loves speaking to random little girls on the street - yeah I heard it.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>Whatever it is, man, you need to fix it, because this bandit could be here at any minute, and if we don't get it together, one of us could get hurt!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
He steals binders, Sarge, it's not like we're dealing with Hannibal Lector.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>Peralta, you need to take this seriously, man! You heard Captain Holt, he said the guy could be armed. So whatever this is between you and Amy, sort it out now before it's too late!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>I know, I know. I just don't think it has anything to do with me, you know?</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>Then what do you think it is?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>I don't know...<br/>
(Realising)<br/>
Wait, what if she yelled at the little girl because that's what she really wants? She wants me to give her a little girl!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>What in the hell -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>Sarge I solved it! She wants a little girl for our little boy. I can do that!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/>
</strong>How exactly are you gonna ensure that works out for you?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>
Don't ruin it yet, but at least I'm off the hook; she's not mad at me, she's mad at the universe!</p><p class="action">Jake gets out the car cheerily to go towards Amy.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/>
</strong>Yes, I am mad at him! This is all Jake's fault and I wish I could just go back and undo it all!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/>
</strong>Alright, maybe not.</p><p class="action">
  <strong>END OF ACT ONE</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ACT 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="act">
  <strong>ACT TWO</strong>
</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. CAR - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Amy gets back into the car, slamming the door shut in frustration.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>You okay there, Amy?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>[through gritted teeth] <br/>Yep. Never better.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>You sure?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>[through gritted teeth] Uh huh.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Oh, well... I was just thinking that because -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I'm fine!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Is that the ice cream truck? Well damn, I think it is... I'll be right back.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Wait, Terry, n-</p><p class="action">Terry swiftly exits the car. It's silent.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Isn't this nice? Being alone with our thoughts. I've definitely spent enough time working on my inner self to be completely comfortable with this situation at any given moment.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>God, I can't believe I missed out on the 'Exacompta 62570E' collection already.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Can't you just order it online?</p><p class="character">AMY<br/>[mimicking voice] <br/>Can't you just order it online? <br/>[regular voice] <br/>Sorry, that was really mean... It's just... Nothing seems to be going right, like even today at the precinct, all of the elevators were packed for ten minutes! I kept pushing and pushing and just couldn't get in!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Title of your sex tape - sorry, carry on.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>Ugh. Don't worry about it.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Come on, Amy, talk to me, I'm right here. We're a team.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I don't know. It's not that simple.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>So let's un-simple it!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>I don't think that's a word.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Yeah I just kinda winged that one.</p><p class="action">Terry comes back into the car.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Damn, I missed the truck... [hopeful smile] But I hope everything in here is fine?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Sarge, we know there was no ice cream truck.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>Oh. Well, since we're gonna be here later we should get to know our surroundings. Let's go check the back of the store.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Good idea. Amy, drive us away.</p><p class="action">Amy starts the car's engine but finds an issue.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I'm trying but it just doesn't seem to be working.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Oh, just hit the gas pedal and -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I'm pushing as hard as I can!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Title of your -</p><p class="action">Amy glares angrily at him.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Never mind, just keep doing it!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I know how to drive a car, Jake!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Just press it a little harder -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>I know what to do!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Guys let's just -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Stay out of this, Sarge!</p><p class="action">Amy hits the gas pedal aggressively, and the car moves forward. But it immediately hits a pedestrian.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Oh, man.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>[nervously, with a smile] This is fine. You did fine. Go Amy! Woo!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Charles is sat at his desk on his phone. A beep is heard.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>[picking up her phone] Charles, for the last time I will not help you find a new girlfriend!</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>[walking up to Rosa's desk] Come on, Rosa! I'm desperate!</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>I know. It's the first thing I knew about you.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Is that a yes?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>What part of what I said made you think I want to talk to you right now?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Come on! Please? [looking at her with wide, sympathetic eyes]</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Charles, you're a grown man.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Oh please please please please, Rosa?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Ugh. Fine. But only if you promise to not talk to me for a month.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Thank you. You won't regret it.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Kinda hard to believe that.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>So Jake showed me this app called 'Bumble' where you "like" people, like this woman: says her favorite food is White Ants Egg Soup. Just like Genevieve!</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Right. So anyway, how's it gone so far?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>I can't tell. I haven't figured out how to message anyone.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>You realise 'Bumble' only allows the women to message the men first, right?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>(Realising)<br/>What?!</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Give me that.</p><p class="action">She takes his phone and scrolls.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>My God. Charles you've "liked" over a thousand women and not one of them has messaged you!?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>That can't be. My Genevieve loved my poetry. How can all these women just ignore it?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>You put poetry instead of pictures?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Uh - doi! My way with words has always gotten a reaction! Back in high school the boys used to call me the "Poetry Queen".</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Oh my God. Okay, meet me in the Break Room. I'll prep you on what to actually say to these women. That way you won't embarrass yourself and maybe you'll have a shot at receiving an emoji soon.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Oh wow, you think it'll go that far?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>If God's miracles are actually a thing, then yes.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - HOLT'S OFFICE - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Captain Holt is sitting with his head laying on his desk as Karen is talking and sobbing loudly.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>[through tears] I didn't know it was supposed to go there! Nobody told me!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>What wasn't supposed to go where?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>Have you been listening?!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>...Yes?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>Oh God! [loud crying]</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>So, just to reiterate a little part of the situation one more time for clarity... what happened?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>I lost my job, Raymond!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>Again!?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN</strong><br/>What? How did you know I lost it before?</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>Uh... I do not. Peralta is definitely not one to be oversharing.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN</strong><br/>Huh?</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>So! What are we going to do about your job situation? And - more importantly - what made you think this was a police matter?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>Raymond, no one will hire me! I'm gonna be such a disappointment to my Jake when he finds out. I need your help!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>Karen, what do you think an NYPD Officer's job is?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>To serve their community when the civilians are in need?</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>Well then.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>You have to help me, Raymond! I won't leave until you do!</p><p class="action">Karen sobs aloud. Holt watches her, unsure of what to do.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>(sighing)<br/>Wait right here.</p><p class="action">Holt walks to the door and opens it. He looks around the office and sees that everyone is too busy to talk.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>[to himself] <br/>Where is everyone?</p><p class="action">...Everybody except for Hitchock and Scully, who are still eating their burgers.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>(Don't make me say it)<br/>[to himself]<br/>I'm about to say something I have never said before but... [out loud] Hitchock. Scully.[pause] I need your help.</p><p class="action">Hitchock and Scully pause, food in mouth, confused at Holt's words.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>EXT. OUTSIDE MUJI - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Amy, Jake and Terry are stood around their car as they tend to the YOUNG MAN (20, nerdy, frail and confused) who is packing away his papers, which are spread across the surrounding area.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Just to reiterate, I am so sorry!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>If you need a recant of events, I was in the back seat!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Terry!</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG</strong> <strong>MAN<br/></strong>God, my stuff is all mixed up!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I'll help you organise it!</p><p class="action">Amy rushes to sort out his papers.</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>Who taught you how to drive!?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Mostly my mom, but I swear I passed on my first go. Okay, second, but the first one I was only one mistake away from a pass! Stupid kid on a bicycle.</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>[backing away] <br/>Is this not the first time?!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>No! I didn't hit him! He's fine. I mean, I don't know I didn't follow through -</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Maybe it's best to stop the talking. Hey nice paper!</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>Thanks, I got it from 'Muji'.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>You're a <em>Muji-head</em> too? Are you a part of the allthingsmuji.com forum? Oh my God, let me guess, you're SharpenedPencils12? ElusiveLaminator5? It's so nice to meet you, I'm BinderBae7!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>How many people are on this site for there to be a need to add numbers to your names?</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>Um... no, I just go there to get my stationery when I'm close by. Like everyone else... Or, I thought.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Oh.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Wait a minute... Guys, who is that over there with the large bag and the hoodie?</p><p class="action">Terry points over to a man dressed in all black, holding a large bag.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Wait, looks like he's heading for the store. Guys, let's go!</p><p class="action">Jake and Terry run towards the mysterious man.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>NYPD! Freeze!</p><p class="action">The man pauses and then quickly runs away, pushing a few trash cans over to block their way.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Guys, he's getting away!</p><p class="action">Amy gets up, but stops as she notices something on the ground.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Wait, is that the 'Exacompta 62570E'? How did you get that?</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>I got it from 'Walmart' this morning.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>This morning?</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG</strong> <strong>MAN<br/></strong>Yeah, I -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>Are you sure you don't mean... 'Muji'?</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>No, I definitely got it from -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>[getting out her gun as she points it at him] Freeze! NYPD! You're under arrest!</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>Oh my God.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Put your hands up in the air where I can see them, sir!</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG MAN<br/></strong>[he places his hands in the air as he slowly stands up] What's going on?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Guys, I've got him!</p><p class="action">Jake and Terry run back.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>What? How? He ran that way.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Yeah, because it was actually this guy that was "The Binder Bandit" all along!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>This guy? Are you sure?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Yeah, look on the ground. The item in question is right there.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>What? How can you tell?</p><p class="action">Terry walks over and investigates the items on the ground.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I know my binders Terry, don't question me.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Yeah, Terry!</p><p class="action">As Terry talks, Amy smiles smugly at the young man.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Let me see... A laptop, pencils...</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>Did you steal those too?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Yeah, did you steal those too?</p><p class="character"><strong>YOUNG</strong> <strong>MAN</strong><br/>What?</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>Oh, and a receipt. From Walmart.</p><p class="action">Amy lowers her gun and looks towards Terry, disappointed.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>What? It can't be.</p><p class="action">Terry hands her the receipt.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Yep. Says he bought the binder right there. Alongside a dozen copies of... 'Babies Monthly Magazine'?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I just let go of my first perp in over two years.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>You know what, he might not be our guy but maybe we should arrest him for something else.</p><p class="action">
  <strong>END OF ACT TWO</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ACT 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="act">
  <strong>ACT THREE</strong>
</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. CAR - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Amy, Jake and Terry are sat in their previous seats in the car. Amy feels defeated.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I can't believe we almost got the bandit and I just let him get away.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>You didn't know, plus that guy you caught had a really convincing case. What if he was armed?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>He was a skinny kid with glasses and a backpack twice his size. I doubt he'd have a gun.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Well with the rate America is going...</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>Peralta!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>I'm just saying - he could've easily been our guy.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>Ugh. Just face it, Jake. I've lost my mojo.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>What? Don't be ridiculous.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>Ever since I had this baby all I can remember is all the crying, screaming and fear from that night. And it just won't leave my mind.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Yeah, sorry, I was pretty loud.</p><p class="action">Amy looks at Jake, a longing for help seen in her eyes.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>It's just, I thought that I could handle the pregnancy. I'm just... so worried that I won't be able to tackle all these things on my plate.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>What? Don't be ridiculous, Amy, you'll always be great at them.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>But will I? I keep burning food, barely make it on time to work and I just let that guy get away.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Everyone has their bad days, Ames. You've got to keep at it.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>But what if I ruin an even more important mission, Jake? What if I put somebody else's life in danger?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Come on, you -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Save it. I'm going for a walk.</p><p class="action">Amy leaves and slams the door behind her.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Damn, that was rough.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>So you thought this was the time to stay in the car!?</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - BREAK ROOM - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Rosa is stood in front of Charles, who is sat on the sofa with a slight look of panic on his face.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>So it's gonna be hard, but we can start somewhere.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Great. Where do we begin?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>Why don't you put a small but interesting story about you in your biography?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>Like what?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>I don't know I'm not your friend.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>Oh, I know! How about the one about me dropping my cereal on the floor?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>What happened?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>So, I grabbed my cereal, put it into a bowl, and walked to the table. Then... I dropped it! [laughing]</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>And then what?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>...I dropped it. [laughs to himself]</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Uh, you got anything else?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>How about I tell the story about the time I binge-watched 'The Cheetah Girls' trilogy four times in a row?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Not unless you're trying to attract a different gender.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Oh, this is hopeless.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>Yeah, you're right.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>What do I do, Rosa?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>Let's... just start with some questions for role play. Ask me something casual and I'll pretend I'm a potential match.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>Alright. Okay, uh, what's your dream date?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>Uh, a... long walk on the beach.</p><p class="action">Charles' face drops. He becomes slightly tearful.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Oh my God... That's exactly what Genevieve would say. [wiping tears]</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Crap. Okay, uh, why don't you just imagine that I'm a girl in the bar and I'm interested in you. Key word: imagine.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>Alright... <br/>[deep voice] <br/>Hey girl. How you doin'?</p><p class="action">Rosa gags a little.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>[Valley girl accent] <br/>Hey.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>[choking up] <br/>That's exactly what Genevieve would say!</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>[regular tone] <br/>For the love of God!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - HOLT'S OFFICE - DAY - lATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Hitchock and Scully are sat at Holt's desk using the computer as they talk to Karen.</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/></strong>So, final question: what color interests you the most? Pink, green, blue, or lavender?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>How is this supposed to help me find a new job?</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY<br/></strong>Just answer the question.</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>Uh, blue?</p><p class="action">Hitchock and Scully look at each other with a worried glance.</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/></strong>Alright...</p><p class="action">Holt walks in. He stops as soon as he sees everyone in his office.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>What are you two doing?</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY<br/></strong>Helping Karen find a career match.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>And your computers just weren't good enough to open this pressing 'Buzzfeed' quiz?</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK</strong><br/>Yup. Too Slow. So Karen, by the looks of things, you are suited to be either a tailor, an entrepreneur, or a babysitter.</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY<br/></strong>See! We told you this would get you results.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>Karen, would you mind stepping out of my office for a second?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>I thought you'd never ask.</p><p class="action">Karen quickly leaves the room as Holt shuts the door behind her.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>Have you two lost your Goddamn minds!? When I asked you to help her, I meant to get her out of the precinct, not keep her here in my office!</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/></strong>Well, can you blame us when the instructions weren't that clear?</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>FLASHBACK - INT. - PRECINCT - BULLPEN - DAY - 1 HOUR AGO</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Holt is huddled closely to Hitchcock and Scully, who are still eating their burgers.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>I'm gonna need you to do one thing, and one thing only: kindly get this woman out of the building.</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHOCK<br/></strong>You got it!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>BACK TO SCENE</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/></strong>I stand by my point.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>Since I wasn't clear the last time, could you kindly get this woman out. Of. The. Building?</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK</strong><br/>What's the magic wo-</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>NOW?</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY<br/></strong>[looking through the blinds] <br/>Actually, Captain, I think she's a little pre-occupied at the minute.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>What?<br/>Holt turns to see Karen cradling a baby near the cell.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT</strong><br/>How on earth did she get a baby into here?!</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK</strong><br/>Looks like it belongs to one of the ladies in the Holding Cell.</p><p class="action">We see a WOMAN, 40s, arms full of tattoos, looks as though she's ready to fight at any minute, sitting on a bench in the cell.</p><p class="character"><strong>WOMAN<br/></strong>Keep him. He likes you more than he does me.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>EXT. STREET - DAY - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">Jake is walking behind Amy, trying to catch up with her much faster pace.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Hey Amy, wait up, please!</p><p class="action">Amy stops suddenly and turns around. Jake is startled.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Oh okay then I didn't think you'd respond so fast. Can you give me a minute to catch my breath?</p><p class="action">He bends down to catch his breath. Amy groans and attempts to turn away before his words stop her.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Hey wait, wait, wait. Ames listen, we all have our bad days, and you need to give yourself some credit. You just had a baby. You created an entire little human from right inside of you! How cool is that!?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Big deal. So many people do this all year round, you don't see them hitting people with cars.</p><p class="action">Jake tries to find the words.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Come on, Amy, how about we just... take a little break from all of this?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Forget it, Jake, nothing will get me out of this slump.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>[enthusiastically presenting a phone] <br/>How about we binge watch a few stationary vloggers?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Eh, I don't really - [grabbing the phone out of his hands] okay!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">EXT. STREET - DAY - LATER</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="action">Jake, Amy and Terry are leaning on the police car as Amy is watching a video on her phone.</p><p class="character">
  <strong>TERRY</strong>
</p><p class="dialog">You know, I'm not sure this is the most efficient use of our time considering the new collection doesn't drop until midnight and it's [looks at watch] 2 o'clock.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Yeah, but don't you feel so much cooler hanging out waiting for someone to show up like this?</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>We're outside a store that gets about 10 customers a day, and Amy makes up about half of those, so, no I don't, Peralta.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Okay, suit yourself. But at least Amy's having fun.</p><p class="action">Amy is transfixed, though her face remains angrily watching the screen.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>I think.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>[to the screen] <br/>What!? How did he get one of those?!</p><p class="action">We see a MAN, 30s, glasses, looks as though his stylish dress sense is making up for his lack of social skills, on the screen showing a few binders. He speaks with a Spanish accent.</p><p class="character"><strong>MAN<br/></strong>Now these bad boys: the 'Exacompta 62570E'. These were the last ones in stock, but tu hombre managed to get a few!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Wait a minute... Terry, hand me the files.</p><p class="action">Terry passes over the files.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Why? What's up?</p><p class="action">Amy looks through the papers, concerned.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>A-ha! I knew that man looked familiar! <br/>[turning to Jake and Terry] <br/>Our guy in the photos is actually... this guy!</p><p class="action">Amy shows them the phone screen.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>Donald Trump?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>What? <br/>[looking at the screen] <br/>Oh sorry. Ads.</p><p class="action">The three awkwardly wait until the advert finishes.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>There we go. This guy! His name? Gluetac78!</p><p class="action">She shows them the phone again.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Oh my God, Amy, I knew putting up with this side of you would pay off one day!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Wait, what?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>I mean - congrats Amy, let's go get him!</p><p class="action">
  <strong>END OF ACT THREE</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. ACT 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="act">
  <strong>ACT FOUR</strong>
</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">EXT. PARK - DAY - LATER</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="action">Amy, Jake and Terry are sat on three separate benches in a semi-packed park. They speak through walkie talkies.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Santiago, are you sure he's going to be here?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Yes, Jeffords, he posts a daily video on his Instagram Stories of him walking his puppy here everyday at 3:15, and it's: 3:14.</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>So you really want me to arrest a man with a cute little puppy?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I'll do it if you're too much of a woos to do your job!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Burn!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>Whatever. Where is this man? It's -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>There he is at 5 o'clock! Go! Go! Go!</p><p class="action">We see the man walking his dog with a cup of coffee in his hand. The group run up and point their guns in his direction . He spills the coffee on himself and drops the leash as he holds his hands in the air. The dog runs away.</p><p class="character"><strong>MAN<br/></strong>¡No dispare, no dispare!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>NYPD! You're under arrest, sir!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>No!</p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY<br/></strong>What?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>NYPD! You're under arrest... bitch!</p><p class="character">
  <strong>JAKE</strong>
</p><p class="dialog">And she got you all wet too, dude -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>Title of <span class="u">your</span> sex tape.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE</strong><br/>Oh my <em>Gaaaahhhd...</em></p><p class="character"><strong>TERRY</strong><br/>Peralta, focus!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">INT. 99TH PRECINCT - INTERROGATION ROOM - LATER</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="action">Rosa opens the door to the room. Charles is behind her. We see two candles, rose petals and two plates of spaghetti on the table. He takes a few steps in as he examines the room.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>After you.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>Rosa, what is this?</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>We're going on a practise date. You gotta learn how to talk to women before you try to get them to go out with you.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Oh, no no. This is too much. I won't do it.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Sit.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>You got it, ma'am.</p><p class="action">Charles quickly sits in the chair. Rosa sits in the seat opposite him.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>So, how come you're single?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Well, my baby momma and I are going through a rough time.</p><p class="character">ROSA<br/>(<em>Your what?</em>)<br/>[she settles her face before speaking] <br/>Oh, interesting. What was she like?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Oh, she was the best. The way she took such good care of our son -</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Nikolaj?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>Nîkoláj.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Sure.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>And the way she's the only other person that can do the choreography from the 'Mamma Mia' finale number.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>You know the choreography to 'Take a Chance on Me'? Wait, why do I know that?</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES</strong><br/>No, everybody knows the real finale is the post credits 'Waterloo' song.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>Alright.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>And I just have never loved anyone the way that I love Genevieve. [with pleading eyes] God, you gotta help me get her back!</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>[smug smile] No problem.</p><p class="action">Rosa presses a button. It's GENEVIEVE, wide eyed, behind the mirror. Charles stands up in shock, dramatically gasping and fainting. Rosa splashes water on him, awakening him.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>[theatrically] Genevieve!</p><p class="character"><strong>GENEVIEVE<br/></strong>[in the same tone as Charles] Charles!</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>What are you doing here?</p><p class="character"><strong>GENEVIEVE<br/></strong>[regular tone] <br/>Rosa told me to come here... And I'm so sorry. I should've never had told you that you gotta go your own way.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>[turning to Rosa, regular tone] <br/>She's referencing -</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Don't care.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>[to Genevieve] <br/>Oh my Genevieve... I want you back so bad.</p><p class="character"><strong>GENEVIEVE<br/></strong>I want you, too! I can't live another day without someone as funny as you. Tell the cereal story again. I miss it.</p><p class="character"><strong>CHARLES<br/></strong>So I grabbed my cereal, put it into a bowl, and walked to the table. Then... I dropped it!</p><p class="action">The two cackle, their laughter being the only thing heard. The laughing feels endless as Rosa's stands uncomfortably.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Alright, I'm out.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">INT. 99TH PRECINCT - HALLWAY - LATER</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="action">Jake and Amy are walking and talking.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I'm sorry for cussing you out on the phone to my mom. I don't usually use such foul language.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>No it's okay - wait, what did say?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Doesn't matter.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Okay. So... I know you're still feeling a little bummed even after you did that awesome stunt at the park -</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>I sat on a bench and stalked a guy based on his public social media posts.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Exactly. I couldn't do that! Anyway, so you know how you were going on about how you think being a mommy would be too much to handle? Well... surprise!</p><p class="action">Jake opens a door and we're in the Nap Room.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>INT. 99TH PRECINCT - NAP ROOM</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">The room is filled with equipment for babies. Holt, Hitchcock and Scully are in the room. Amy is wide-eyed and smiling.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Oh my God... What is this?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Well as we waited for you to finish those vlogs, I called some guys.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">FLASHBACK - INT. - PRECINCT - HOLT'S OFFICE - 2 HOURS AGO</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="action">Hitchock and Scully are using the computer to help Karen.</p><p class="character"><strong>HITCHCOCK<br/></strong>So... what's your favorite... food?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN</strong><br/>Oh, easy: Pickled Pigs feet.</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY</strong><br/>Mine too!</p><p class="action">We see that Hitchock is on a website ordering baby equipment.</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">BACK TO SCENE</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>Yes. Whilst I asked them to do a specific task, they were secretly disobeying my orders.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Alright, let's not sour the moment. [to Amy] What do you think?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Is this for our little Mac?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Yep, we've set up a Precinct Daycare for anyone's baby. From the cops to those in the Holding Cell!</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Aw, Jake! Wait, so we don't have to use that Nanny anymore?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Oh my God, did I just make somebody unemployed?</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Wait, Who's gonna be in charge?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>[coming in through the door smiling, holding a baby] <br/>Is that my cue?</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Wait, mom!? You guys didn't tell me you were hiring her!</p><p class="character"><strong>SCULLY<br/></strong>What? Holt wasn't clear about that!</p><p class="character"><strong>HOLT<br/></strong>Actually, I -<br/>(Realising)<br/>My God... I wasn't clear! How could I let such basic knowledge slip out of my mind so easily?</p><p class="character"><strong>KAREN<br/></strong>Don't worry! This means I get to spend everyday with my little baby boy!</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Oh yay...</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Oh yay...</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">INT. 99TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - DAY</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="action">Amy and Jake are with the "Binder Bandit" as Amy hands him his backpack.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>You're free to go. This will be taken up with the allthingsmuji.com moderators.</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Wait, if this is the actual bandit, who was the guy we chased down?</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <span class="u">
    <strong>FLASH FORWARD - EXT. - STREET - NIGHT - LATER</strong>
  </span>
</p><p class="action">A hooded man is stood near the 'Muji' store.</p><p class="character"><strong>HOODED MAN<br/></strong>[looking to the sky] Wherever you are, thank your, Gluetac78!</p><p class="sceneheading">
  <strong>
    <span class="u">BACK TO SCENE</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="character"><strong>JAKE<br/></strong>Ah well, it was probably no one.</p><p class="character">Rosa walks towards them carrying a dog, handing it to Jake.</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA<br/></strong>Here's your dog. He's cute.</p><p class="character"><strong>MAN</strong><br/>Thanks -</p><p class="character"><strong>ROSA</strong><br/>Don't talk to me.</p><p class="action">Rosa walks away. Amy quickly blocks the man from the dog.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY<br/></strong>Uh uh. Not so fast. Hand it over.</p><p class="action">The man groans as he hands over the binders.</p><p class="character"><strong>MAN<br/></strong>You really could've done this before.</p><p class="action">Jake hands the dog to the man.</p><p class="character"><strong>AMY</strong><br/>I know, but I like the drama of it.</p><p class="character">
  <strong>END OF SHOW</strong>
</p>
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